What to say... Angaz

In the last weeks since I have written, God's fingerprints have firmly been stamped all over our collective lives as the South Africa Resource Team. His hand has so clearly guided the transformation that is occurring within my heart, our team, and on into Mpophomeni. He has been winding His thread through our journeys for nearly 8 months now since the dream began. He has been with us walking alongside us in the spiritual and relational valleys, winding/confusing paths I/we have experienced. Often in times like these it is difficult to see Him and understand His plan. On rare occasions it seems, God provides hilltop realizations/experiences. Opportunities to look back on the slope that lay behind, and fully recognize where God has been in it all. God has known all along the path we have wandered down as a team. A path that for nearly a month, winded unnecessarily, as we floundered about on our own. It is evident in reflecting on our preparation as a team, just how American and individualistic we were/are. This realization also allows me to understand a bit more of my struggle through this past year. I feel as though with each passing day in America, a part of Themba was lost. Themba meaning HOPE in Zulu, was one of the names I was dubbed by my closest friends here, namely Zwe and Khanyi. The concept of myself as Themba, became a symbol of experiencing the fullness of God's love, life and joy. Slowly I began to lose sight of who God created me to be. I began to allow myself to be defined by other things beside Christ. I continually drifted and searched to no avail, for how I could continue on as Themba in America. As a result, I approached this summer and trip much less as a team and much more from the perspective of individuals, each with different personal expectations of our time in Mpophomeni. Each desiring the fullness that God offered and provided in various ways our previous time, but none knowing how to reach this intimacy and community. As I reflect on what God has done, I realize how He took my expectations of further community development/ministry experience, and molded it to His desires of what He intended to teach me. These passages drive straight to the heart.
-"Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them." 1 John 2:9-11
We were desiring to love Mpophomeni well, but were struggling to love each other well. As a result we were staggering about in the dark, desiring God's glory amongst the people, but clueless as to how we could take part. In short, the Holy Spirit conquered the fear and darkness within us. Fears of vulnerability and the darkness of our selfish nature, into the light of HIS love. We were depriving God of glory within our pride, our stubbornness and inability to acknowledge bitterness/apathy in our hearts.
-"We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister." 1 John 4:19-21
In my heart there was great dissatisfaction that we were not experiencing the fullness of what God has for us. Praise God that He has broken our individual selves down, and is busy creating something new in us. Something that honors HIM so much more completely and fully than we individually are capable of! As this transformation has occurred, God's blessing is so clearly upon us and our interactions within the Family Centre. There has been an incredible change within our hearts and minds that can only come from HIS spirit. The JOY He affords us as a result is indescribable and pure. Hallelujah. It is with open hands that we desire to offer up these last weeks. God, glorify yourself in and through us. As we each day come to love eachother more and better, out of God's love within us, God is opening doors of relationships and conversations not possible without Him. Each day we are drawn closer and closer to the heart of God. The best place to possibly be, at "Indawo Yothando." A place of love!
-Themba